When I walked out of the consultant’s room and met Bally the senior Nurse,I knew that my whole life was about to change. Nothing was confirmed. No MRI scans had been done,no blood tests nor did I feel anything at all. No illness,no temperature,no blood pressure,no nothing apart from the fact that I found swallowing food difficult.
So Bally hands me a form to have an MRI scan within a week,and as we were coming up to the Easter bank holiday weekend,It was surprising how quickly Bally was able to arrange things. This is when I knew. As I had stepped out from the consultants room,I had known.And I was so afraid. My heart was pumping like a steam engine at full throttle.
Suddenly, there were a million thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts of my wife whom I call Mum. A son and my Daughter. Then there were my sisters, Brothers, in-laws and the list went on. Then they were about the house. Followed by a million what ifs.
I was dumbstruk. I got in the car and tears were welling up in my eyes. I’m asking that great Man in the heavens above..WHY me ? I was on autopilot.
I sat behind the steering wheel,started the car and drove out of the hospital car park.
On the way home,those thoughts running through my head were getting worse.I couldn’t possibly put them all down on paper.
I don’t remember when I got home. But I parked the car as I usually do,half on and off the pavement. I picked up the mobile from the dashboard and instinctively dialed a number I knew would respond.
When he picked up the phone, I immediately broke down. I couldn’t carry on.The lump in my throat felt like a large rock stuck there.It was choking me .
He was panicking at the other end of the phone.Very controlled as always.”What is the matter,I’m coming over”.”No I said”.First words spoken since I drove from the hospital. “I think I have Cancer “
I’m coming over” Again I said “No I need time to think. I’ll call you.”
Are you sure,I think you need someone.”
“I know but I need to be alone for a few minutes before going inside the house”
” OK ! Look if you need I’ll be there as soon as you call”
“Thanks, I know you will, bye for now”
And with that I ended the call. I sat for what seemed an eternity ,looking at the sky and the passing traffic. But in reality, I was there only a couple of minutes. I had to go home. I had left Mum by herself. She was ill herself and I’d been gone long enough. Time to get back to routine. I didn’t know then, but this one 20 minute appointment with Ear Nose and Throat specialist would change the course and thinking of my life ahead………………………..!
ShoutYourHeadOff 
Well written and heartfelt! Well done.
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Thank you for you comment.
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J
Jitendra Joshi
to ANIL, Bipin
21 hours ago
Details
Never have I known someone who is so selfless, doing all things to help your loved ones and strangers you hardly know.
This one day that changed your life, and whilst you have done so much for others and your loved ones, it almost feels like what about them if something happens to me. HOW SELFLESS You are.
All I can remember through out my entire life, from when I started to understand, almost 40 years worth, is seeing you take.
Take one beating after another, yet, I can never recall a moment when you have dwelled on the hard times, and moan about them.
You have become silent, quietly now taking each day as it comes and getting on with life and fate as it is dished out.
You must realise one thing, is that you are never ALONE – your family was as devastated with the news.
We all ask the man up there the same question, why Anil, why my brother, my mentor, my dad…………………..and all I see when I seek an answer, are the faces of the 2 most special people in our lives that are no more, our parents.
yet I know they are near, in our hearts and in our minds. Every single day for the rest of our lives.
You have been bestowed qualities of honesty, compassion,love and above all an endurance no one else in the family has.
Know that the man up there has kept his eye on you all your life, putting you through so many tests, and you keep passing.
We Bow to him daily and yet…………………days become harder, and testing.
All I know is, a person who is so giving, caring and sacrificing – endures the most.
I prey to the almighty that you find happiness as if anyone who is worthy of it. – you shine out from even the stars in the night sky.
Take care bro,
Yours always,
Jits and Chaman Kantaro 🙂
B
Bipin Joshi
to me, ANIL
5 hours ago
Details
Jits
So well written and expressed.
Regards
Bipin Joshi
Subject: Re: [New post] This Changed My Life
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As always you put me on a pedestal that I think I don’t deserve ans surely cannot maintain.! Your comments are valuable and mean a great deal to me and I’m touched that you have also called me dad in your comments.Thank you for being honest.
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I was so touched by your heartfelt expressions that I felt I should comment upon. Yes Anil takes onto all challenges thrown his way. He puts others before himself and I would ask that he takes a little time out for himself and his family.
If I can be of help he only has to call. I am there for him.
Well expressed and Well Done.
Sunilkumar Joshi.
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Dad, I am touched with your honest life story , well expressed. Life is the present to us and is very precious. We don’t value it until we lose it. I always believe in God and I know that he is watching and helping you. Whatever happens there is always reason so please take time for yourself and family they need you.
Lots of love and good luck
I.A
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