New Beginnings- Week 8

This final week has taught me that losing weight is not easy, but doable. And it takes time and perseverance. The good news is that I haven’t put any weight back on and have ended the 8-week journey at 88kg. The other health stats remain the same and in good stead. I haven’t given up though. The 8-week period may be over but the journey continues. The only difference will be is that there will be no weekly updates.

I have learnt a lot during these 8 weeks, for example, I have learnt about which carbs are good for me and which are not. The foods that have protein and nutrients and wholesome goodness. I have got used to not eating bread or potatoes for weeks at a time. I don’t miss sandwiches and instead will go for a piece of fruit when feeling hungry. Apples and oranges are my favourites. I like bananas, but I’m not allowed these as a diabetic because of the spike in sugar and carbohydrate levels. My smoothie drinks consisted of either oat milk or unsweetened almond milk with a scoop of Nutriseed powder. I would add blueberries or a couple of small strawberries for flavour. I am also an Indian and for obvious reasons, curries and rice and chapattis are a staple diet, but I have managed to cut down by nearly 75% on my Indian food consumption. I eat a lot more salads, and try and make vegetarian or vegan items to go with the salads. For example, vegan sweet potato burgers or beetroot burgers. And stuffed mushrooms with a hint of garlic are my favourite.

I intend to carry on with my diet and exercise routine. And I have signed up to complete 10000 steps a day for the month of March for the Marie Curie Cancer Care Charity. I hope to raise £2000 for this challenge and look forward to any donations to reach my target. Please visit JustGiving and donate to Anil’s fundraising page. Many thanks in advance for any donations received.

Finaly, I would like to say that it has been a great experience sharing my journey with the outside world and showing my vulnerabilities in public. The encouragement I have received has been nothing short of fantastic. So Thank you all for being part of life and I will connect again very soon with another new adventure or something I have already done…eg, My National Trust Journey, that I started in 2020.

Looking forward to sharing some amazing photos of sites I have visited and stories of tbhe places I have been to. Until Then……….!

New Beginnings

After opening up about my emotions in my last article, “My Emotional State-Revisited”, Today, the first day of 2022 is my chance to start anew. Start by moving forwards with a renewed vigour. I aim to put the past few years in the back of my memory bank, hopefully, to remain as memory, that I am taking as my lessons in life to go forwards.

So what are my plans for 2022.

1/ Get my life back on track. Start Dr. Moseleys 8 week plan to reverse my diabetes. I had started in November 2021, but couldn’t keep a regular pattern. But now I have set the plan, and after tweaking Dr. Moseley’s diet plan to suit my vegetarian/vegan lifestyle, I will succeed. Watch this space for the 8-week journal of my weekly record of changes to my weight, blood sugar levels, and fitness. Also. I will be sharing the recipes that I will be creating for my personal needs.

2/ My website shoutyourheadoff.com will get more posts on a regular basis on my movement forwards and on positive tones. I need to get back my self confidence and my inner strength to cope in any given situation. Once again, watch this space.

3/ A new domain by the name “harshaskitchen.uk” will be launched where I will be posting videos and recipes from my grandmother’s days. so once again, watch this space or rather look out for “harshaskitchen.uk.

I would like to say a big thank you to all the readers and followers of my blogs on “shoutyourheadoff.com” I want to wish all of you a very happy and prosperous new year and a quick return to normality by ridding the country of the Coronovirus. Stay Safe, And look after each other.

My Emotional State

So weeks have gone past and my pen or keyboard has seemed to dry up. Words started to escape me and I found it difficult to express my feelings. I worked the whole of last week starting at 5 am and finishing at 2 pm.However, it didn’t end there as I then I would start my full-time task as a carer to my wife. 24 hours in a day seem not enough and at the end of the week, time, and tiredness catch up with me. Falling asleep at every rest period on the sofa is a regular occurrence. Power naps are a part of my life at the moment and the real sleep only comes on my rest days when I can sleep in for a bit.

As I lay there in my wife’s hospital supplied bed, I kept wondering what was happening to me. I was exhausted, to say the least. I felt constantly emotional. I could not get up and get on with my daily life. I felt that a weight was on top of me and holding me back. Weighing me down.My brain was thinking one thing and I wanted to do something else. I kept wondering if I was suffering from depression too. My emotional state every day was now causing me to worry.

I have been away again for weeks. I could not carry on as I became occupied and my emotional state was getting the better of me. I am normally very good at coping with my challenging situation. Most people tell me that they find it amazing how I do things. How I cope with the daily challenges and still smile and go to work.

What people don’t know is that my life is a complete and utter mess. I want to clean this mess, that I call my life. It is the most difficult, if not impossible to admit this even to myself. Normally a strong minded person, good at dealing with difficult situations and most importantly, staying calm and focused on getting on with it. But I lost it yesterday with someone. Not my wife I must add. I didn’t want to scream at her or above all, loose my composure. Showing a weakness was extremely hurtful to me. I was shaking inside. My heartbeat was up and my forehead was full of sweat. I felt this burning feeling in my body, like when you are hot with a temperature. My hands were shaking and my palms were damp. I didn’t believe that someone could consume me with anger so much. I had to walk away, so I went upstairs and ran the bath! I was actually about to that before I lost it! I shut the door and ran the cold water tap for a few seconds to get the water colder. I threw some over my face and wet my hair. I felt a cooling sensation. Phew!! Any more time with her downstairs and I would surely have lost it completely. Mental note, “must not be vulnerable like this again.”

I just got into work. It is 21:56 pm. I swipe in. There is just me and the Team Leader in the front office reception area. He comes over as I am putting down my rucksack in the usual desk that I sit at. He shakes my hand to welcome me and asks me how I am? And lo and behold I face downwards, walk past him to the back of the partition and break up. Crying!! Never have I before done this. I don’t normally show anyone my emotional state. I am good at hiding pain!

What is happening? I am seriously losing it.

I walk away, into the disabled toilet. Again a cold water remedy to get me back together.

I can’t let this happen. I get my composure back, Apologise to the Team Leader, whose response was as expected. “don’t worry have some time at the back”. “We all get like this sometimes” ” Go, please get some time to gather yourself.”

But I couldn’t because I would have lost it more. I buried my head in work and started serving customers, who, luckily for me, began to come in one by one.

This time I have had two close calls. I cannot break down or lose it. I have to be the Scorpio character that people tell me I am. Not good at pretending and making up stories. For me, it has always been the whole truth or nothing else. Emotion is to me, who I am at my worst, if I am crying! Happy emotion is when I am always smiling, but these two occasions have dented my strong pride and surely I can’t be going in the downward spiral?

What next? I need help and know how and where to get it, however it’s not as simple as that. Sometimes the most easiest things seem the hardest and this is one of those situations where it is hard.