New Beginnings-Week 1

Today, January 3rd, 2022, I have started what I said I would do, and that is to lose weight and reverse my diabetes. My current weight of 91.2 kg will be brought down to 80kg in eight weeks following Dr. Mosley’s advice in his book “The 8 week Blood sugar diet”. The book sounds very logical in its approach to weight loss and sugar control, as explained in detail by Dr.Mosley.

I am almost a vegan, not fully converted yet so I am having to amend or change some of the recipes provided at the end of the book to suit my lifestyle. But I will keep to the minimum of 800 calories and allow up to 1200 calories on bad days. Coupled with exercise and good eating habits, my target should be reached.

I’ve been a diabetic since 1992 and determined to get off the tablets completely and the two daily injections which work in combination with the medication. I managed to get in more than my 5000 steps daily target by doing an average so far of 6900 with a maximum of 9000. Light to moderate exercise daily for fitness and the all-powerful positive attitude. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right.

This is the day one log. Starting weight 91kg, Blood sugar level at 8.9mmol, and blood pressure at 115/77 with a pulse rate of 79. So a good start to the day, and have almost reached the daily calorie count of 800.

I didn’t cook today as I ate out at a family member’s house. But tomorrow will be different.

A very good start to my sugar check this morning. It was at 6.1. That made me happy. I was on track.

I was up quite early so I decided to do half of my daily walk in the morning for 15 minutes and 3000 steps. Nearly there, but just under by a few 100 steps. Not to worry because I had all day to catch up.

By lunchtime, I had run a couple of errands and then had a Greggs vegetable bake and cinnamon tea followed by a satsuma. I was warned by someone not to drop down to an 800 calorie diet as it would prove to be dangerous due to my diabetic condition, so I have allowed myself to go up to 1200 calories.

I managed to finish all my steps by 7.30pm and had walked for a total of 45 minutes. And also burned about 300 calories in the process, but I broke my target and achieved 7144 steps. Hooray for me. Self-appreciation for self-encouragement. And what interesting food did I have for dinner?

I made myself a Tofo salad. I marinated the tofu in soy sauce, salt, black pepper, and achar(pickle) masala, drizzled it with some olive oil, and air-fried them. Yum. I had the tofu with a portion of little gem lettuce, 1 tomato, cucumber, grated carrot, green pepper, and edamame beans, topped with vinaigrette. Yum again.

Now, I have to be creative tomorrow…….So instead of writing daily, I think weekly will be more digestible(no pun intended). From day three, I had to be more careful as I was constantly thinking of food and what I could eat that would not pile on the calories. I have started to munch on cucumbers, carrots, sugar snap peas to avoid the carbs and maintain my sugar levels. I was advised to increase the daily intake of calories from 800 to about 1500. That is why the weight loss has slowed. I managed to lose 1 kg, but it’s a start. The exercise is going well with the achievement of more than 5000 steps a day. I have been averaging 7000 steps and also 15 minutes on the static bike.

All in all, I’m pleased with my first week’s progress, although I didn’t lose the expected 2 or 3 kg. But positively thinking, making the start, and maintaining the momentum in the first week has boosted my confidence. I know I can do it too. Week two to follow….

To Sleep ,Perchance to Dream

I went to bed quite late the other night. I was on a very early start for work and needed a much deserved sleep prior to facing another challenging day. As I lay in bed looking at the ceiling where luminous stars had been stuck to imitate the starry night outside, my mind kept wondering to a what if situation. I kept thinking back to 1972 when I first landed in my country of residence with only the clothes on our backs. My mind was wondering if I had settled somewhere else instead of Leicester, where would I be today. I had started work at the tender age of fifteen and a half ! I had lied to get the job and told them I was sixteen.

So I suddenly wake up, or had I slept at all even? I could not for the life of me close my  eyes and not think of “what If”.

And the what if’s of our lives can bring either miserly depression or a happiness not known to me . I kept thinking about my place of residence. What if I had moved to my choice area.But I needed consent. I was brought up in a house where even as an adult, I would seek permission do do even the simplest of things,like make a decision. A decision that would have changed my life and those around me. The stars were bright again. They shone in the darkness of the room. My eyes were open again. A quick glance at the wall clock. 03.30 am. ! Two hours and I’m at work.

Eyes closed again. Thoughts are astray, it’s that “what if ” question again. And so many of the what ifs keep trundling through my brain like a runaway train. It’s non stop. I can’t apply the brakes because  I like the what ifs. They are much better than my current status. So what if wins for tonight. It’s taking over my life tonight.

Another bright star in my eyes. It’s bright yellow. But still on my bedroom ceiling.Another wish shattered. I think a cloud should hide them stars. Maybe it should rain while I’m looking up. I’ll wake up drenched and see reality.

The time is 4.45am Time to jump out of bed as the alarm goes off in unison to my thoughts. As I open my eyes for the millionth time tonight, the over whelming” what if” comes back to haunt me. I know the rest of my sleep depraved day is going to keep the” what if” alive and well.!!

I take a deep breath. I look around. Rub my eyes and look at the ceiling. Tired, yes but not out yet. Then it suddenly dawns on me ( no pun intended) . What if this was just a dream. !

Cancer Changed My Life. Pt 2

As I entered the house, my first thought was to protect Mum from my fears. Her own fragile state of mind needed careful handling. I went into the lounge and sat down. We had some normal chit chat and then I got up to make some tea and sandwiches. As I entered the lounge with a tray in my hands, I saw immediately that Mum was having an epileptic fit and was frothing at the mouth. She was semi conscious.Once again,I felt that lonely dread,but quickly gathered my emotions and rang for an ambulance.It was the 2nd of April 2007. And it was about four in the afternoon. I followed the ambulance back to the hospital that I had had only left a short time back. My mind was  racing here and there. Loneliness engulfed me.In the rush to get to Mum to hospital,I had forgotten to call a family member for help. Mitesh was in North London and Rakhi was at her college. No one could have got to me in time except my sisters or Brother. But I didn’t want to panic anyone into rushing to the Hospital in case Mum got released soon from there.

My problems had taken a back burner. I didn’t know which way this was going to play. I had my pre assessment as well at the very same hospital tomorrow! How am I going to cope with all this and what is happening.Mum got admitted to Ward 9 west at the Hospital and she was on a drip and on oxygen. Her state of health was not good, but I had to leave her there and go home.

Early next morning,3rd April,I attended my pre assessment for my operation to remove one of my tonsils. Everything was arranged and then I went to Ward 9 west for my visit to see how Mum was. She was sat up in bed looking a little worse for wear,but better than yesterday. I sat down next to her and was immediately lost in deep thought.What is tomorrow going to bring? How bad is the cancer ? How long ? Can’t bear the thought. I’m already worried about how my family are going to cope without me. I’m worried deeply about Mum. She doesn’t have the mental capacity to cope. Her memory is not good. She has not been able to look after herself at all without any help. She doesn’t even dress herself like she used to. And then Tish and Rakhi. What will become of them? Try as I must, I can’t dispel these negative frame of my mind. I am numb with fear but having to show bravado that doesn’t exist ! Putting on a brave face is not easy in these circumstances.But try I must.

Late evening, I get ready to go back to an empty house.My thoughts are stuck in one place. Tomorrow, 4th April. Big day. I do my daily prayers and ask for guidance and strength to cope. I have not discussed my problems in detail with anyone as yet apart from Bipin. He knows my troubles up to a point. I haven’t told Tish or Rakhi yet.

I arrive at the hospital and go to Ward 3. I am being prepared for the operation that will determine the type of cancer and at what stage it is. I’m lying on the operating table and the nurses are chatting away nicely at me. I can’t remember when I fell asleep after the anathestic was administered. I can remember being woken up and told to sit up. There is only a slight soreness in my throat. I’m offered a cup of tea and some toast. I’ve got to eat.I’m also a diabetic.! About midday I’m told I can leave. The operation was successful,and results should be available in a few days.The numbness in my head doesn’t go away. The negative thoughts are never ending. All I can see ahead is doom and gloom.

As I enter Ward 9 west, I am once again forced to change my demeanour. Mum musn’t have any clue to my troubles. Her state of health hasn’t improved. She has already been here 3 days.I don’t know how much longer she will have to remain in hospital..She has many battles to overcome. And mine are just beginning !

I’m not about to be defeated though. I’ve already accepted that I have to fight this demon and win the battle ,and come out of it to move forward in our lives. The road is a long haul and so many obstacles to overcome.